I love you more than I know how to say

You know, sometimes I get to thinking. Now this can be one of those knock-your-head-on-the-ground-and-ask-God-why-in-the-name-of-everything-good-(or evil)-you-had-one-of-these-occurances types of situations... but we'll see how it goes since I keep losing track of my thoughts the second they hop out of my fingers. Or mouth. Fingermouthes. See, jelly brains.

I think I need to tell more people I love them. I've never been one to abuse those words and I rarely say them because they sort of intimidate me... unless of course we're not face to face, then I'll throw them around with you like wildfire, at least in some cases. I also have yet to figure out who this 'you' is that I'm speaking with. This could get interesting. You could be anyone. It could be, well... you, or youtube, or your mother, or even your dog if I loved it enough. (I have loved a couple of dogs in my time and I tend to like them slightly more than people even though I hate my own sometimes. Dogs, not people.) Again, wasted type on something I can't pin down.

I love you.

But do I? Am I just saying it because I think I should and that it might have some kind of impact on someone's life if I do say it? Perhaps. I'd like to test that theory though. I've always wanted to be one of those crazies who buys a grandma sweater, goes out into the park, and starts telling people they love them just to see what kind of reaction they'd get. Sure, some of them would be completely appauled, others (most likely of the teenage breed) would laugh because they're just about as uncomfortable with those words as I am. But again, are you laughing because you're uncomfortable or are you laughing because you wished someone meant it? The tables turn again. I laugh because I'm uncomfortable most of the time. I like laughing, and I like making people laugh... so why shouldn't I dig on making people feel loved? Oh yeah... I forgot that part again, love's scary.

... But is it really?

I don't even know if people are emotionally equipped to say those words in this day and age. Hopefully some of us out there, with a little more guts and bravado than the rest of us, can say it and mean it. It'd be nice to be one of those people one day. Sadly (or happily) enough, I think I could be if I'd stop being afraid of other people's fear. That's what it is you know. We're terrified of other people's terrors more than we're afraid of our own. Kinda like horror movies. Some people are like 'Dude, did you see that movie? I haven't slept without a light on for the last month and a half,' while another will completely blow the flick off and call it nothing more than a knife handle (a.k.a. pointless). So... are you more afraid of letting yourself say the 'I love you,' or that the 'I love you' will be heard by someone who's way more afraid of it than you are? I'm not sure that question has an answer.

But I love you. That much I know.